“To love and to cherish” those are the words couple swear to each other in front of God on their wedding day. I think those words have lost meaning as i think about it now. I used to think if i didn’t understand it theoretically, I will practically at least by the things I see. That has not been the case. I have always thought and believed that marriage was an umbrella that protected a woman since she is in the care of her hero. I thought becoming a wife guaranteed that your better half would go to the end of the earth to make sure you never get a scratch. What happens when a man who is meant to protect you is the one who hurts and harms you himself? The emotional torrent your heart feels is nothing compared to the pain you feel from the physical abuse. Domestic violence should be avoided like death.

The hardest part of this almost common madness is that women have accepted this in good fate. I mean how can a person who takes you away from your family, makes you bear his surname for the rest of your life, gets you pregnant and you loose your figure, have you struggle for your life in the labour room and when you bear the children they will bear his name beat you like a common salve and crawl right into the warmth of your bed at night?

“There is a way you will annoy a man and he will beat you. it’s a normal thing.” Chizoba said to me and I marveled at her shallowness. I wanted to cry for this woman. This isn’t fiction. I looked at the beautiful young woman in her early twenties and shook my head desperately wishing she could shake off the illusion that domestic violence is a normal thing. I urged her to share in that mentality. She argues further that it is inevitable. Domestic violence never gives room to a healthy compassionate relationship or marriage.

Dear men, show us love and not the strength of your muscle, this is the first reason why we left our families to be with you. We don’t enjoy being beaten. We can nag or over salt the soup please scold us but never subject us to physical torture. Normal conflicts and disagreements between couples can be normal but domestic violence is out of the question. What happens to that part of the vow that says “to love and to cherish”. We didn’t sign to spend the rest of our live in domestic violence.

Why some women stay

• Fear of increased violence.
• Fear of losing their home completely.
• Some for the fear of losing their kids.
• Some believe they can not make it alone.
• Some even accept that they are to blame for the physical violence and believe if they changed their ways, their husband would stop beating them.
• Mostly they feel they nowhere to run but sweetheart you do.

Domestic violence comes into a home and replaces companionship with fear and the marriages loses it’s taste

Why some men abuse -domestic violence “to love and to cherish”

• Due to excessive use of drugs and alcohol.
• He just has a temper that overwhelms him.
• Some batter because they believe women are inferior and should always go right with him.
• Some watched their fathers beat their mothers as children and thought it is normal.

You don’t have to hit her to tell her you want your clothes ironed. You don’t have to hit for burning your most expensive shirt. She doesn’t deserve to be beaten by you for making same mistake over and over again. Communication is a great key to a great relationship. If you happen to be in an abusive marriage stand up and speak out. May D’s baby Mama stayed for years in a violent relationship but finally decided it was time she spoke up. You can do so to save your life.

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